Sheer Panic Attacks

I didn’t read about this phenomenon until it happened. In response, I desperately broke out my pregnancy books scouring for an explanation and assurance that I’m not completely losing my mind! (Good news, it’s quite common!) What’s all my panic about, you ask? I call it the attack of the “what ifs”… What if Baby Knapp (insert unreasonable fear here).

My what ifs include a somewhat irrational array of hypotheticals, including: What if he/she doesn’t believe in God? What if he/she is a discipline problem? What if he/she doesn’t want to go to college? What if he/she gets colic? How are we going to afford all those diapers? What if he/she is a girl - do you know the price of weddings these days?! How are we going to work out childcare? How are we going to afford DECENT childcare? What if he/she doesn’t like Cutie? What if he/she is no good in math like Dennis and I? What if he/she chooses bad friends to hang out with? What if he/she has learning disabilities? Or physical disabilities? What if he/she hates my cooking? What if we don’t make enough money to provide? We can live meagerly with the two of us, but with a baby, you can only cut so many corners. What if we get pregnant again before we’re ready to provide for the first one? What if he/she doesn’t like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings – Dennis may threaten to disown him/her! And, most importantly, what if he/she doesn’t learn good manners?!

Fortunately, another book I broke out was my Bible. I frantically looked for all the “God will provide” passages I could find to calm myself down. (For anyone interested, Matthew 6:25 – the bird part – is especially comforting. I even filled up our birdfeeders after reading it hoping that would help continue the “Circle of Providence!”)

Funny, it only takes a minute of peaceful contemplation and prayer to realize that all my worrying and panic really does nothing more than shorten my life. We’ll be OK. Baby Knapp will be OK. And even if everything isn’t perfect, EVERYTHING will still be OK…