Understanding Motherhood

Terri Schiavo died today.

Dennis and I have been closely following this situation, not only because we are Catholic, but also because we are pro-life and believe in the sanctity and preservation of life. And soon, we will also be parents. Parents responsible for children (or at least, one child so far). Parents are people who are blessed by God to bring life into this world, and mothers particularly have a unique opportunity to partake in this precious gift.

The picture above is of Terri Schiavo's parents leaving the hospice center where she died earlier today. While scanning the hundreds of online photos of this story, this picture particularly stopped me in my tracks and instantly brought me to tears. It is without strain that you can see the pain and aguish in these people's hearts. Compassion abounds. This photo captures how deep love runs from parents towards their children. This photo captures how I imagine Mary felt after seeing her son die on the cross. This photo captures how risky and painful it can be to be a parent.

I was particularly moved by this picture because of how much I already love our own baby – a little life that hasn't even arrived yet. We happen to believe Baby Knapp's life began way back in November, and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to have his/her life taken away from him/her by anyone other than God. No judge, no greedy adulterous "husband," no politician and no doctor has the authority to eliminate a person's life. GOD is the ONLY one with that authority. This photo, to me, represents how confused, frustrated and overwhelmed these faithful parents must feel, trying to make sense of how this all happened to their daughter - the girl they were originally blessed with being able to give life to.

Michael Schiavo said Terri never wanted to live "that way." Throughout this entire case, as an expectant mother, I have long pondered what I would do and how I would feel if that were my daughter. Or even if it were my mother, best friend, sister, husband, or anyone else I love. Given the choice between living "normally" and being handicapped, any one of them would say “sure,” they would prefer to live a normal life. But life sometimes throws us curveballs. Given the choice between a handicapped life and starving to death... Well, they would be hard pressed to prefer starving to death (i.e., it's not a pretty process). And, if they were anyone I love (which is supposed to be everybody), I would be hard pressed to say that I really love them if I chose death on their behalf.

This is not my forum for political soap boxing or airing my regrets for not being able to help save her life. This is simply a reflection on a picture I found today amongst a horrible array of hate, anger and bitterness that truly conveys what parenting, or more specifically, motherhood is. Is it giving everything you have, everything you're made of, and everything you believe in towards doing one simple thing: LOVE. Giving life is giving love. And yes, love is the most sacrificial act we can partake in. When a mother gives that much love, her heart is clearly vulnerable to the deepest pain, the deepest sorrow and the deepest anguish any human can endure.

But, this picture also gives me a glimpse of hope. These parents have undoubtedly served God in fighting for their daughter's life. (Michael, well, I'd hate to be him on Judgment Day, but I won't get on that soapbox...) God is pleased when we love - when we love each other, our families and friends, our neighbors and even our enemies. These people have displayed nothing BUT love, and it gives me hope that for Bob and Mary Schindler, there are hundreds of other sets of parents out there loving their children. And, it gives me hope that even Dennis and I are capable of loving our child(ren) that deeply, that completely and that sacrificially. And yes, after watching what they’ve been through, it also scares the hell out me.

But with all the legal and political wrangling that has surrounded this case, it is important for us to see this picture amidst the dark and ugly clamor. While we have lost Terri, we’ve had the opportunity to gain an appreciation for what love should be. What God intended it to be. What is really worth fighting for. How we should love each other – especially our children. Terri’s life and her family’s experience is not in vain. Those who chose “putting her out of her misery” did not win. Terri is at peace with God, and she stands by Him, smiling upon her family tonight. From my own little corner of the world, I join them, and thank you, Mary Schindler, for showing me what motherhood really takes and what a mother’s love physically looks like.

While this photo brings me to tears, it also reminds me of why Dennis and I wanted to have children to begin with: The precious opportunity to love, love and sacrificially love some more. To love children whom God has entrusted us with. What a responsibility. And, what an honor. So finally, I thank you, God, for entrusting our hearts with this remarkable and priceless opportunity to serve you.

Please, everyone – mothers or not, tonight and always… LOVE.