10 Reasons Why I’m Ready to Birth This Baby!

10. Out of Control Hair. In the first seven months of pregnancy, my hair grew very long, very fast. However, in the last three months of pregnancy, my hair changed and started to grow BIG – very big and very fluffy. And, in August, EXTREMELY hot (now I know how Cutie must feel!). I’m looking QUITE forward to a thinner, shorter and more manageable mane, and once this baby is born, it’s choppity chop with the big ole locks and off to Locks of Love for someone else to enjoy!

9. Hip Pain. My doctor says it’s just growing pains from my pelvic bone stretching out to make way for Baby’s arrival, but is it really necessary for the splitting pain to wake me up repeatedly throughout the night, EVERY night? I am VERY much looking forward to sleeping comfortably on my belly once again, and perhaps not wake up feeling like we need to dig the walker up out of the basement.

8. Visiting the Basement. Speaking of which… Since our stairway to the basement is steep, scary and runs a high risk of total disaster, Dennis has been the kind soul schlepping down boxes, spare furniture and doing the laundry for the past ten months or so. I haven’t been down there in that long, and I am truly frightened to see what condition it is in. Perhaps it’s one of those things I should just be thankful for having been taken care of and not worry about how it all worked out…

7. Getting Stuck on the Couch. Couch manufacturers – especially ours – clearly take great pleasure in designing living room furniture made specifically for trapping the morbidly pregnant woman. They could at least offer handles or levers that drop down from the ceiling for a few months. But no, apparently it’s more entertaining to see the helpless, ensnared expecting mother roll around in a futile attempt to get up. This is why God gave us husbands…

6. Six Straight Months of Heartburn. I’ve never been a huge fan of heartburn, but I hardly thought I would become such an aficionado on over-the-counter heartburn medications. For reference, Tums are good, but leave a nasty after taste. “Comfort Gel” (Walgreen’s generic for Mylanta) tastes horrendous, but instantly solves the problem for the short term – prepare for multiple doses throughout the night. And Pepcid AD works great overnight, but takes a few minutes (read, an hour) to kick in. Oh, and the worst offender of heartburn is NOT greasy foods, onions or chocolate like “they” tell you… It’s WATER!!!

5. Hot Dogs, Pepsi and Other Bad-For-You Foods. While everyone makes a few mistakes (I prefer to call them “exceptions”), for the most part I have avoided eating much of the bad stuff you’re supposed to avoid during pregnancy. Now, it’s my turn to make up for lost time. Added to this list are: a big, rich glass of wine, sushi, as much tuna as I want in a week and at least two or three Sam’s Club/Costco Kosher dogs – loaded with onions and mustard… MMMMMM!!!

4. Staying Awake an ENTIRE Day. I used to enjoy a hearty nap, but now it just fouls up my schedule. Daily, three-hour naps have become a diverting time suck that come between everything I need to get done in a day, a good night’s sleep and me. Although, once Baby arrives, I know I’ll look back on this one and laugh, WISHing for a nap…

3. Wearing REAL Shoes Again. How fun are strappy little sandals in the summertime? And slip-ons that don’t look like you’ve squished your marshmallow feet into them? To be quite honest, I haven’t had all that much swelling – just on the days when I’d REALLY like to wear cute shoes. But now, I’m like Audrey Hepburn outside of Tiffany’s pining in front of shoe stores, anxiously awaiting the day when I can wear (and balance myself) in a pair of shoes that don’t have a swoosh, laces or rubber soles…

2. I Miss My Wardrobe. Dennis bought me some really cute clothes for my birthday last year. I’d really like to wear them again someday… And, oh what it would feel like to zip up a pair of pants! If I never have to wear an elastic waistband or stretch belly pant again, it will be too soon.

1. We’ve Waited Long Enough to Meet Baby Knapp!!! After this ten-month journey, I understand why God made it a ten-month journey. You actually need that long to prepare, ride every emotional roller coaster and make room for a new little addition to the family. Actually, I think you really only need 9 months, since the last month is spent in physical agony coming up with lists of reasons why you’re ready to meet your little darling and realizing that you don’t care how much pain childbirth is to go through, you just want this precious child of yours OUT of your belly and into your arms!

BUT, I'm not complaining! ;-) It's just that, Baby Knapp, we’re ready to meet you… Feel free to make a move here any time now!!!